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Just The Texts, Ma'am
Just The Texts, Ma'am I can only assume that we all have that special text friend. The one that you share all the trivial events of your day, not necessarily sex, more like what your eating, your last poop, what your watching on TV. Mine is Lynda de La Mooch. I hear and tell regular reports of gastrointestinal tract issues, such as the text I received Saturday morning: Lynda-----Oh no I got pee butt We've discussed how odd a topic it is. It's not like we've ever been intimate, it's just that we're both very open with each other. I've read and wrote many detailed sex reports, shopping messages, fights with spouses, but mostly food. What we're buying, cooking, eating, and yes, eventually pooping. I liked this one I had today: Me---I ate a can of pineapple for breakfast Lynda---I have fresh pineapple Me---I like the cans, I put them in the fridge overnight and eat them the next day Lynda---Yum. I really enjoy eating pineapples and cantaloupes Me---It's the only food I've ever included in sex, I even made my ex a pineapple dildo hahaha Lynda---I don't want pineapple anymore Me---Can I have your pineapple? Have you ever included food in sex? Have you ever ruined something for someone? Do you have that kind of text buddy that you share everything with? |
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7/1/2018 11:20 am |
Today's Text Topic: [image]
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7/1/2018 11:58 am |
OMG! That's so sadly funny!!! I fucked my ex with the Pineapple dildo and though the dido did not taste like her, she certainly tasted like the dildo!
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Have you ever included food in sex? More like condiments and no those are not mint flavored condoms. Have you ever ruined something for someone? Probably, but only because they were already ruined. Do you have that kind of text buddy that you share everything with? The term "Need to know" comes to mind. This is one of several reasons I don't like texting. When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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Pineapple (fresh) gives me those acid bumps in my mouth.... I don't even want to THINK about what a pineapple dildo would do. I'm sure you've heard the warnings about only using non-dairy whipped cream on your lady but you can also add chocolate whipped cream (non-dairy) to the no-no list. Sure you can lick it all off her, but the week-long remaining brown skin stains are a bit of a heart-attack inducer the next morning in a brightly lit bathroom. I have a friend who texts me very personal bodily function updates but I just can't bring myself to return the favor!
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7/1/2018 12:37 pm |
lol very funny
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7/1/2018 12:46 pm |
Have you ever included food in sex? More like condiments and no those are not mint flavored condoms. Have you ever ruined something for someone? Probably, but only because they were already ruined. Do you have that kind of text buddy that you share everything with? The term "Need to know" comes to mind. This is one of several reasons I don't like texting.
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7/1/2018 12:49 pm |
Pineapple (fresh) gives me those acid bumps in my mouth.... I don't even want to THINK about what a pineapple dildo would do. I'm sure you've heard the warnings about only using non-dairy whipped cream on your lady but you can also add chocolate whipped cream (non-dairy) to the no-no list. Sure you can lick it all off her, but the week-long remaining brown skin stains are a bit of a heart-attack inducer the next morning in a brightly lit bathroom. I have a friend who texts me very personal bodily function updates but I just can't bring myself to return the favor!
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7/1/2018 12:51 pm |
lol very funny
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Um...no food has been ruined because of being part of sex play. Probably because no food has been part of sex play, lol. I have had a text buddy that I shared a very large amount with...but never bodily functions. TMI, even for that relationship. "Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is relax." – Mark Black
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Like Tickle I can’t help but think a pineapple dildo sounds like a very, very bad idea. Glad your ex survived the experience unscathed.
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7/1/2018 2:19 pm |
Um...no food has been ruined because of being part of sex play. Probably because no food has been part of sex play, lol. I have had a text buddy that I shared a very large amount with...but never bodily functions. TMI, even for that relationship.
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7/1/2018 2:20 pm |
Like Tickle I can’t help but think a pineapple dildo sounds like a very, very bad idea. Glad your ex survived the experience unscathed.
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7/1/2018 2:21 pm |
Does "poop" fall under the PG rating?
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Condiments? Like Ranch Dressing? Wasabi would burn both of you! Texting has it's plus and minus points. Wasabi is mostly for sushi IMO and if the "sushi" ain't right no condiment is going to help. When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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Um...no food has been ruined because of being part of sex play. Probably because no food has been part of sex play, lol. I have had a text buddy that I shared a very large amount with...but never bodily functions. TMI, even for that relationship. When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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7/1/2018 3:18 pm |
I'm a Honey Mustard kind of guy. Wasabi is mostly for sushi IMO and if the "sushi" ain't right no condiment is going to help.
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every time you tell a Lynda story I think of that kid in the video talking to his mom [image]
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7/1/2018 7:57 pm |
every time you tell a Lynda story I think of that kid in the video talking to his mom [image]
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7/2/2018 3:58 am |
Remember this: The biggest step in any relationship isn't the 1st kiss, it's the 1st fart.
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Do you like celery, cucumbers, carrots or . . . zucchini But...none of them with sex. Sex food is like...chocolate, whipped cream, and fruit... "Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is relax." – Mark Black
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Wow, that was a crazy conversation. Having a text friend can be fun. Enjoy the ride searching for what you want here..........thegrls
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Celery, cucumbers and carrots...all a-okay. Zucchini...not so much, lol. But...none of them with sex. Sex food is like...chocolate, whipped cream, and fruit... When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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Sounds like a banana split Yes. Exactly. "Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is relax." – Mark Black
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Yes. Exactly. When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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7/3/2018 4:13 pm |
Wow, that was a crazy conversation. Having a text friend can be fun.
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7/3/2018 4:14 pm |
Wow, that was a crazy conversation. Having a text friend can be fun.
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7/3/2018 4:20 pm |
Careful, Mc might get embarrassed if we go any further.
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No, no problem here, I'm just watching and enjoying this. I'm still laughing at RRR's post: 5 YEARS!!!!!!! When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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7/3/2018 6:15 pm |
Well it's no wonder there was no sex - the guy's nuts had probably shriveled up and disappeared.
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Well it's no wonder there was no sex - the guy's nuts had probably shriveled up and disappeared. Just to make sure we are all clear here, it was HIS decision for no sex... "Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is relax." – Mark Black
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Careful, Mc might get embarrassed if we go any further. "Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is relax." – Mark Black
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shriveled up nuts, whip cream, chocolate, fruit, they all go together! When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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Just to make sure we are all clear here, it was HIS decision for no sex... When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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7/4/2018 3:14 am |
Just to make sure we are all clear here, it was HIS decision for no sex...
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7/4/2018 3:16 am |
Well yeah, the whip cream and chocolate hide the shriveled up nuts
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I think it's a proven fact that massive amounts of chocolate makes everything better. "Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is relax." – Mark Black
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7/4/2018 9:57 am |
Only if it's dark chocolate. .
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7/4/2018 9:59 am |
I like a woman who isn't afraid to let one rip!
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What????? Now just how gullible do you think we are? 5 years, no sex AND it was his choice? Not buying it! "Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is relax." – Mark Black
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7/4/2018 3:51 pm |
I think he was just too polite to tell me he was no longer interested before I traveled to see him...
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Good one. Sure have hugs V Become a blog watcher sweet_vm
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7/5/2018 9:57 am |
Good one. Sure have hugs V
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7/5/2018 3:54 pm |
I'd heard that about pineapple enhancing the flavor of semen. We used to buy pineapple sticks when they made them, they don't anymore. I would put a stick in the wife's vagina and suck it back and forth with my mouth while rubbing her clit with my nose. It took a lot of practice to get it to something enjoyable. I imagine the coldness of the refrigerated pineapple was an added sensation, we usually started with a bowl of 4-5 sticks. We couldn't find sticks one day so we bought a fresh pineapple. As we were carving out our own sticks I noticed how hard the core was. A "used" pineapple stick loses it stiffness which makes itself useless. I carved the pineapple core into what I thought was a decent dildo, but we only used it for one session. It's not something either of us wanted to put in the fridge after we used it. Imagine us, getting picky! For some reason I get aroused when I eat pineapple.
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7/6/2018 4:30 am |
I didn't get too artistic with it, I carved it into a torpedo shape. Knowing it was going to be a one use toy I didn't want to put too much effort into it.
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I like that you used a pineapple for your example. It shows that you are a very savvy shopper.With your grocery store post in mind.What better place to find something to whittle into a dildo than the department that will"produce"the desired effect. I find it rather funny how ticked off people get in a text conversation when one misunderstands a text and the volley that ensues. I'm like ,Wow what was that all about? Do you want to use my phone to call them? They're like ,Ya maybe I shou... Fuck you! I get it! I would fail miserably in a thumb treadmill race! Using more than all the road!
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7/6/2018 5:44 pm |
Hahahaha Pineapple, it's not just for eating! Yep, it's hard to gauge emotion in texts, it has caused issues in the past.
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It's a hot n sticky Sunday afternoon and I am laughing my ass off reading all the blog notes and comments. I have some nicely forming cucumbers on the twine trellis from my raised garden bed along with some lovely yellow summer squash. I am not into texting period- my cell phone is for emergencies and looking for pienapples (Virtual Symposium Group) use Virtual Symposium Group
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7/8/2018 5:59 pm |
It's a hot n sticky Sunday afternoon and I am laughing my ass off reading all the blog notes and comments. I have some nicely forming cucumbers on the twine trellis from my raised garden bed along with some lovely yellow summer squash. I am not into texting period- my cell phone is for emergencies and looking for pienapples
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8/6/2018 2:14 pm |
We tried the pineapple blowjob thing but it wouldn't work. I ruined a lot of things for my Ex, especially music, changing the words to songs, she hated that.
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